Well I certainly look the part now. Baggy, faded trousers turned up to just below the knee, sandals, an unintentionally off-white vest, a dirty short-sleeved shirt draped over the top, an ever growing beard and haircut, and a cap that must have at least quadroupled in weight since I've had it - due to the amount of sweat it has absorbed. I look like I was in a boy band that broke up 10 years ago and I've refused to get changed ever since.
It's amazing how quickly your mood can change. This morning it was all doom and gloom about having no money, but a walk down to the sea and suddenly it's not so bad anymore. And as I sit here listening to my iPod, I'm as happy as I've ever been. 'Nelly - Just A Dream' and 'Big Mountain - Baby I Love Your Way' came on and took me straight back to our beach party on Koh Phagnan (which I'll get to later) and now I can't stop smiling. The power of music. Magic.
Yes I'm stuck with no money, but I'm stuck here with no money. In the sunshine, by the sea, with my music. I could think of worse places to be..
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The next morning, heavily out of pocket form the stupid motorbike, we jumped into a taxi to drive up to the north where we, or the Germans, had decided to stay. It was again a bungalow, only this time not quite on the beach. (About 10 seconds away - I was being picky beyond my financial means.) But it was a lot bigger. Two double beds, air con, a big bathroom with - get this - hot water, and most importantly to Andy it had the fridge. Or refridger as he kept referring to it as. I didn't correct him, I don't know if that was nice or mean - mean I hope.
He filled the fridge with his 6 giant coconuts, still in the big green cases they grow in. He was happy.
"Later, when they are cold we will cut them open and drink the milk"
He had a look of genuine childlike excitement on his face. The kind of look that I only bare when a barman hands me a pint of beer and says 'This one's on the house'. I can't remember that ever happening but I imagine that would be the case anyway.
"So tonight we will have a party with the coconuts."
"Wow Andy, it's amazing how something so simple as nationality can change your perception of the word 'party' so much"
He looked at me blankly..
Onto the beach. Chillin' in the sunshine. Me and Andy were anyway, Vinz had stayed inside to read a German book that he had found in the reception. 'Mein Kampf' I assumed. A swim in the sea and then some sunbathing to dry off. iPod on, kickin' it.
"Was that rain?"
Within a minute the crowded beach had emptied. Not us though. Fuck it, we're already wet, and the rain's not exactly cold... Looks like I'm going swimming again then. So back into the sea in the pissing rain I went. Andy just stayed lying there, as if still sunbathing. We had the huge beach all to ourselves.
"Hmm this calls for some sort of party. A rain party."
iPod back on and the beach was mine. ' This Is How We Do It' by Montell Jordan came on and prompted me to get my motherfunkin' groove on. So as people stood and watched from their dry bungalows, I raved along the sand and Andy bopped around in the sea. Completely soaked. Completely worth it.
About half an hour later the sun came back. And as a result, so did the people. Boring. Party over.
"So these coconuts tonight Andy... how about we spice them up a bit to make it interesting?"
This time he looked at me with genuine enthusiasm. Every other time he had agreed to get drunk it was all very vague and forced. Not this time though. He was excited. I had broken him. I had won. Get him away from Vinz for 2 hours and he had wilted. I would say victory for England but I think we were probably on a level pegging by this point.
After dinner that night we went back to the bungalow to start dissecting the coconuts. Andy whipped out an impressive 6inch blade (blade) that he just happened to have in his bag. he spent the next hour carving off the thick green casings to reveal the coconuts, as we know them, inside. Then he bored a hole into the top of one of them, big enough to fit a straw in. That one was for Vinz. Then on two more coconuts he bored much bigger holes into the tops.
"Why do you need to have holes so big?"
We hadn't told Vinz of our plan.
He didn't look too impressed with Andy. Expectant of me, but definately disappointed with Andy. Had I created a rift between the Germans? Hope so.
To the shop. 70cl bottle of vodka, carton of orange juice, carton of grape juice and two red bulls. So after consuming what felt like a gallon of coconut milk we poured in our coctails. 70cl of vodka made 4 coconuts. They were pretty ram. But bring it on, to the beach!
Vinz unsuprisingly declined and went to bed. So we partied on the beach with the coconuts. Andy's earlier suggestion that we would have a coconut party that I had scoffed at had turned out a lot better than I had anticipated. We chatted, we raved, we got stupid, we turned Vinz's sandcastle he had made on his break from reading 'Mein Kampf' into a toilet. A bit of beach football, a few wobbles and fuck the sun's coming up. Bedtime.
"We'll have to be really quiet so we don't wake Vinz up cos he'll be really angry"
However we were drunk so failed completely on that front. He swore at us. But that made us giggle. He wasn't the happiest German i have ever seen. Though that in itself is a pretty rare commodity.
"Simon can I sleep in your bed?"
"Jesus Andy, I know you don't drink much but get a grip"
"I know, I'm sorry but I'm scared Vinz is gonna kill me if I go near him"
--Vinz and Andy shared a bed at most places as it's cheaper. Acceptable I suppose. But they also put suncream on each others backs.
"Simon can you.." , "No" --
That was it, all i needed to do was kill off boring Vinz and Andy woukd morph into party Andy again.
Tomorrow they were heading back to Bangkok for a few days before flying home. The islands were too expensive to stay on alone so I was going to be heading back with them. They already had their boat tickets to Surat Thani and train tickets from there on to Bangkok booked, but it would be fine, I could just get mine on the day at the stations.
That was, as it turned out, misplaced optimism and I was to spend the next night alone in a scabby room no bigger than my foot.
'See where the wind takes you' they say. 'Go with the flow'
Well this particular wind, however, was blown fresh from Satan's arsecrack.
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Sometimes in life you have to be sensible and prioritise.
I have.
I have decided that I'm not going to be hungry tomorrow so have spent 8 of my last 13 Rinngit on two cans of Skol. I couldn't sleep last night, so it's medicinal.
Cheers!
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